How to fight against Depression: Beautiful but masked.

                                 

INTRODUCTION

Countless times I knew I wasn't as worthless as my mind kept on telling me , I sat there thinking ,"maybe if I just ended my life people would be happier". To me that was the only way I would put to rest the thoughts, pains, struggles I faced day in and out. I know mostly it just looks like something you can wake up to and choose saying ,"well I'll be happy today" it just doesn't work like that in this state your mind is fully convinced that you can't be accepted ,loved or even be wanted around people. But as time went by I stood my ground, and started working towards this state, honestly if I could do it I believe you as well can stand up and fight against it.

WHAT IS DEPRESSION

Well firstly before we go deeper into this story of how to help yourself or loved ones fight against depression I want us to understand what depression is (we might add other mental illnesses) but today I want us to focus on Depression...

I have come across some people that actually thought depression is just sadness, well that isn't near the truth. Just because you are sad doesn't make you depressed, a good example is when you are left by your partner, you haven't been given what you want, or arguments going through one of those doesn't make you depressed but stressed just to clear the air. Sadness, feeling down, having a loss of interest or pleasure in daily activities - these are symptoms familiar to all of us, But if they persist and affect our life substantially, it may be depression. Depression is different from the fluctuations in mood that people experience as a part of normal life. Temporary emotional responses to the challenges of everyday life do not constitute depression.

Likewise, even the feeling of grief resulting from the death of someone close is not itself depression if it does not persist. Depression can, however, be related to bereavement

Definition: Depression is a mood disorder characterized by persistently low mood and a feeling of sadness and loss of interest. It is a persistent problem, not a passing one, lasting on average 6 to 8 months.

Symptoms and signs:

Mood: anxiety, apathy, general discontent, guilt, hopelessness, loss of interest, loss of interest or pleasure in activities, mood swings, or sadness

Sleep: early awakening, excess sleepiness, insomnia, or restless sleep

Whole body: excessive hunger, fatigue, loss of appetite, or restlessness

Behavioral: agitation, excessive crying, irritability, or social isolation

Cognitive: lack of concentration, slowness in activity, or thoughts of suicide

Weight: weight gain or weight loss

Also common: poor appetite or repeatedly going over thoughts

>depressed mood

>reduced interest or pleasure in activities previously enjoyed, loss of sexual desire

Unintentional weight loss (without dieting) or appetite

Insomnia (difficulty sleeping) or hypersomnia (excessive sleeping)

Psychomotor agitation, for example, restlessness, pacing up and down

Delayed psychomotor skills, for example, slow movement and speech

>fatigue or loss of energy

>feelings of worthlessness or guilt

Impaired ability to think, concentrate, or ma decisions

>recurrent thoughts of death or suicide, or attempt at suicide.

Research on depression:

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), 7.6 percent of people over the age of 12 have depression in any 2-week period. This is substantial and shows the scale of the issue.

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), depression is the most common illness worldwide and the leading cause of disability. They estimate that 350 million people are affected by depression, globally.

In all honesty I personally feel my pillow is my best friend as I constantly cry myself to sleep, have unending headaches from unpleasant thoughts I have. At times I would go days without eating because my anxiety would convince me that I am not hungry, I would try to use motivation to get myself running but the truth is motivation just made me feel worse (its funny right) yeah motivation made me feel worse because it made me feel like I enjoyed been depressed, with the way people would preach to me about just keeping a positive mind, but I couldn't keep it as I would fall off days or hours after listening to one of these motivations. Mostly people would say I am lazy, not mostly but countless times I don't know if you gave passed through this as well, but to be honest to wasn't laziness but I lost the will to live it feel like I am a dead person walking about that's why on some days it got worse I would stay in bed the whole day sleeping out the peat

 I wouldn't have times to get to school because the will to live is lost, my parents might think maybe I am just troublesome because I missed classes on days I didn't want to see people or talk. I had days I wouldn't have the power to ask questions in class because I always fear to be looked down on , yes it really did some damage to my performance in school but I couldn't open up or I would be told that I am seeking attention. These are things that I see countless youths face in our country in schools even as far as society.

SUICIDE

"I want to die , I feel like I am just been a burden to the people around me", He said to me , as I was out of words to comfort him with, because it seemed like nothing was working out in his life I constantly kept trying to ask him to pray with me. I didn't personally even know how to overcome the feeling of death in my own mind , but I tried my best to save my friend because the guy went through countless mental abuse , physical abuse and rejection . But one morning I woke up to the sad news that he actually took his own life due to depression the feeling that grab a hold of him for years, but I felt worthless because I couldn't help him .I spent days crying, blaming myself for his death because maybe I said something wrong or maybe played a part to push himself to harm himself. To us suicide seems selfish (it is to some point) but to the people that go through it, it’s actually feels like they are doing us a favor by not breathing (This makes them feel like a bother, burden, set back in our lives) I personally have days I feel maybe I was a mistake that wasn't planned for even the people may be around me but the dark cloud in my mind would convince me to take my life to have some rest or peace. Lloyd well "what should we do then to help these people”?  It’s easy try to be around, they might sometimes make you feel like they don't want you and push you away but such people find it hard to let people in their lives in the fear of been hurt so you can actually try texting them just to check up on them, invite them to events even if they constantly say no to you etc.

WHERE IS GOD WHEN IT HURTS??

Mostly the blame for brokenness, hurt, death, loss and everything goes to God. I know this well because I have actually been in this phase of life countless times, at times when I think about it I would laugh or smile. it’s sad to know that we lose our trust, faith and belief in God for things He doesn't even place in our way, I know it may feel like He enjoys watching us suffer ,but that is far from the truth. God is always there for us in our times of brokenness, I have times when I remember been angry at God shouting, “Where are you when I need you" because I failed more than I had gotten up in this point in life I thought maybe just staying down would make sense. But to be honest God has given us the power of free will, as much as we can blame him we need to know that God doesn't have control over the selfish people who bring pain, rejection and hurt to other people sometimes these people were also hurt by other people that's why they act that way. Think about it , God can't come down to stop your parents, Friends, partner from causing mental abuse , physical abuse and countless other things that happen to us. Just like we can't help it but just watch the people we love drink themselves out of good health or keep them from doing things that can cause them death, we can talk to them about it but can't change their minds not to do it. Now God can't do the same to us, He has given us the bible as instructions of what would help us live peacefully but other choose not to follow that and damage other people. He always wants to listen to us speak have us open up to Him about how we feel what bothers us and all.

Toxic or just Broken

"Should I open up and tell them how I really feel" , is the thought on my mind day and night but I can't open up because the society won't understand my pain but call me toxic then leave me alone for other people considered better, this is the struggle of many in this present day. I don't know about you but before I started working against my mental health I thought in those lines, so I started building a people pleasing character that would make everyone happy but constantly kept me depressed and feeling more lonely than before. It got so draining because I have to wear a mask to please everyone to show people the person they wanted me to be and not who I am. I had to be around people even the I felt unwanted, go on dates and not express myself. I remember been shouted out many times because I didn't like something, "well you are been Toxic Lloyd, can't you not just complain?" They said to me and many other things that still hold a huge scar on my mind, (People mostly scar people with mental health because such people are desperate to find comfort/acceptance) this is how I actually lost my self-esteem to please people, I respected other people's opinions more than my own, I want you to begin to understand that you need to value your opinions of things over anyone else’s. The question is, are you sure your friends are toxic or just hurt? Most people call me toxic because I have a strange behavior, where I wouldn't want to talk on phones, text or even be online or talk to anyone for hours days weeks at times .. As much as I know that's wrong but in those moments I try to not talk to people because it would feel like am sharing burdens to them, this has happened to many of us and when people leave you try to force conversations to please the new people you find by drinking, smoking, clubbing, having sex I don't know how others find ways to fill the void where pain and suffering is.

Now how would people open up to us when we make them feel toxic to us , as much as they might be toxic try to be there for these people not only by praying for them , but visiting , calls and texting even when they aren't replying . Let's make everyone feel wanted, people shouldn't be loved based on character, behavior or looks but loved because God sees us all valuable

        Cure for a Broken Heart.

Well I feel like the most broken part of a person is their soul which carries hurt, pain, memories etc. We have ignored the healing of the broken hearted because we feel it isn't as cool as a Physical healing.

But today I felt God tell me in my heart that people out there are bleeding from the chains of depression, stress, fear, insecurity etc. Just because you are saved doesn't mean these feelings are not going to be a part of your life, but not to worry Jesus has provided an answer to your broken heart.

Now on a personal basis I have had moments of my life I wouldn't want to share because the thought of it just brings pain and hurt to me, their times when I feel worthless and weak from fighting the battles in my mind. I know there is someone who feels the same, you are tired of it you have tried talking about it or even found a partner so that you get things off your mind but it was still their hunting you down as your beautiful mind breaks into a mental breakdown from thoughts of your not worth it, you’re not enough, be like so and so, or how you can be like your brother etc. It may look simple to others but this really breaks your soul, you are left alone to cry everything at night as your pillow is the only thing that shares your sorrow. You feel lonely because you feel an empty space in your heart because your Family has been broken as you always would see your parents fight that makes you feel out of place with other people. to make this note short let me say this to you Paul in 2Corin10 says the weapons of our warfare are might to pulling down strong holds that are in your mind, replace those bad words that they spoke into your life and speak the words that Jesus said about you. Only Jesus can cure your broken heart no relationship or person can say the right words but the bible assures our heart with rest, love and peace.

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About The Author

Jonathan Llyod Nkhuwa is a passionate preacher and inspirational youth speaker and writer who is actively enganged in various uplifting faith-based programs. He is influentially engaged in "I am Change" a movement for youths who inspire change.

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