OPENNESS TO LOVE
Every deep human experience of love, of trust, of friendship, of sexuality and even of faith demands vulnerability. However, this is seriously risky business; it opens the road to the best possibilities and joys of life but also to the prospect of being hurt and of being wounded. Indeed, every adventure into love requires that one open up to the possibility of a horrible descent or an angelic ascension; into bliss or anguish. Consequently, it may be asserted that vulnerability is an obligation for fulfilling love.Otherwise, one might be too sensible to love, too careful to trust, too critical to dare.
A fully blossomed and authentic
life demands that one allows (them)self to be “seen deeply and to see deeply.”
Otherwise life is lived but only for the sake of clean and tidied-up
appearances before others. A rich life is messy! It is unplanned, not pre-documented. It demands that one let go of the grip with which life is controlled.
A gorgeous life is unrehearsed. it is spontaneous.
But why does a delightful life ask for vulnerability? First, vulnerability is defined as “capability of being physically or emotionally wounded, open to attack or damage ,exposed to criticism, liable to increased penalties but entitled to increased bonuses after winning” It’s clear. It's a pre-requisite for authenticity, genuineness, truth and legitimacy. Without which one lives in shadows and “stage plays” even to oneself with the sole consequence of entertaining the audience of the “character shows” at the expense of deep joy and personal fulfilment.
The path of spontaneity (not merely
rush acts) but the deeds of the (wo)man who has understood the essentials and
fundamentals of life. Who acts from their nature. This path offers
possibilities i.e. for pain or for pleasure; for acceptance or for rejection,
for bonding and trust or even for betrayal. Yet, Man is torn and dragged
between an option for happiness and an option for acceptance and praise. Man is
torn between an option for security and an option for a risk that leads to love.
Man is torn between the possibility for love and for betrayal. Which is safer? What to choose? This is the question that haunts every man. However, this question is not merely about happiness or approval. it is a question of the quality of life. No wonder St. Augustine could acclaim, “Show me a lover and he feels what I am saying.”
Man is torn between the possibility for love and for betrayal. Which is safer? What to choose? This is the question that haunts every man. However, this question is not merely about happiness or approval. it is a question of the quality of life. No wonder St. Augustine could acclaim, “Show me a lover and he feels what I am saying.”
These possibilities for love or for
rejection, for pain or for pleasure demand that one must have entered the
dramatic pattern of life.Here lies my point, every human experience that is
deep demands that one let go of certainty. Faith for
instance demands that one let go of any guarantees, ‘to hope against hope, to
be convinced of what one has not seen.’ No matter how beautiful the prospect of
encountering God may be, there is always room for hurt, woundedness and for disappointment.
This is vulnerability. “Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.” St. Augustine. To avoid vulnerability is to reject life in its depth, beauty and transcendence. Dare to risk!
This is vulnerability. “Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.” St. Augustine. To avoid vulnerability is to reject life in its depth, beauty and transcendence. Dare to risk!
Every moment in which love is
proposed or announced is a risk for acceptance or for rejection. This is
vulnerability. To reject vulnerability is to reject the possibility of finding
love. Every moment of initiating friendship is to risk for an openness about
myself that is cherished or that my openness is scorned and derided. This too is
vulnerability. It demands that there be no certainties! Timothy Radcliffe
expresses this point ironically, “Self-gift is immensely risky. To give
yourself to another is dangerous. To be naked in their sight is to risk
rejection or mockery. You may also be betrayed, denied or deserted.” (Radcliffe,
2014) .
Whenever we dare to launch into the
unknown, into vulnerability we place ourselves on a ‘queue’ for the possibility
of being happy , loved and loving. Maybe this is why many marriages and relationships break-up, because we don’t dare to be vulnerable enough. ‘contemporary
Love’ is filled with domination, with violence, with control and with
invulnerability! Every experience of love carries with it the possibility for
joy and for pain. (Amir, 2001)
Nonetheless, the ultimate
vulnerability that brings the ultimate happiness is the vulnerability before
the Ultimate Other(God). As Benedict XVI (2005) expressed it, “I say to you
dear young people… are we not afraid that He(God) might take something away
from us? Are we not perhaps afraid to give up something significant, something
unique, something that makes life so beautiful? Do we not then risk ending up
diminished and deprived. When we give ourselves to him (when we are
vulnerable), we receive a hundredfold in return. Yes, open, open wide the doors
to Christ and you will find true life.”
